I think for a lot of us, guilt comes up when we put ourselves first because somewhere along the way, we learned that being a good person meant taking care of everyone else.

Maybe you became the helper in your family, the caretaker, the peacekeeper, or just the person everybody knew they could count on. And when you've spent a lot of your life being that person, it can feel really strange to suddenly stop and ask, Wait, what do I need? What do I want?

And I think this is where we need to look at guilt a little differently. Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you've done something wrong. Sometimes you're feeling guilty because choosing yourself is new, and you're not used to doing it yet.

So maybe the question isn't, “Am I being selfish?”

Maybe the question is, “Why does taking care of myself feel selfish to me?”

That's a very different conversation.

Putting yourself first doesn't mean you stop caring about the people you love or stop showing up for them. It simply means you're beginning to recognize that you belong on that list too.

And if that feels uncomfortable right now, that's okay. You don't have to figure all of it out today. Maybe you just start noticing when the guilt shows up and getting curious about why it's there.

Sometimes one good question is enough to start seeing things differently.

You are allowed to be someone you take care of, too.